Red Beards 1st XV
15. Gavin Hastings (Scotland)
For the simple reason that my grandfather was a Jock and he would have demanded that I had one Big Sweaty in my run on side.
14. Tana Umaga (Petone)
For spending a good five minutes bouncing RB junior on his knee after my young fella nearly died from the shock of seeing Tana at an after match function. A genuine legend of All Black rugby.
13. Danny Gerber (South Africa)
Man of Steel. Did 4000 sit-ups a day, could out sprint a cheetah and tackled like an incestuous water buffalo.
12. Philippe Sella (France)
May have preferred outside centre but any back that can drop Peter Fitzsimons deserves a place in my team.
11. Brian Lima (Manu Samoa)
I like backs that can tackle and have to take my hat off to any bloke who could still play test rugby in their late 40s.
10. Hugo Porta (Argentina)
A fantastic player who had all the skills. Being a Puma Im sure he could also supply some seriously big T Bones for the BBQ.
George Gregan (Australia)
Simply the best and still going strong. A true champion on and off the field.
Buck Shelford (Navy)
Bring Back Buck. My backups would have been ‘The Bull of Dax’ Laurent Rodriguez (France) followed by Lozza Dallagio (England).
Ruben Kruger (South Africa)
The type of man who a pack of bulldogs would tiptoe past.
Arran Hopa (Waikato)
Covered in tats, the Taupri rubbish collector was also a staunch member of a local bikie gang. Not a man to be trifled with. To drown at sea was such a tragedy.
Keith Robinson (Te Aroha COBRAS)
Play footy with Robbo and he will automatically become your favourite lock also. Could supply all the wild pork, ACDC and JDs for any team function.
Martin Johnson (Tihoi)
King Country seems to be developing a habit of producing one world beating lock every 50 years. Married a Kiwi girl from the bush so you have to take your hat off to the bloke! Next in line would be a really nasty piece of work, Olivier Merle (France).
Jean-Pierre Gauret (France)
Short, barrel shaped, strong as an ox and as filthy as they come. The fitness or discipline of this Lourdes potato merchant wouldn’t endear him to the modern game, but in the 80s he was the best in the business. If Gauret was suspended from the game, I would draft in Olo Brown as his replacement. Jason Leonard also came under serious consideration for both his drinking and scrummaging skills.
Andrew Campbell (Coromandel & Thames Valley)
If it wasn’t for a broken neck and a lag in prison this guy would have been an All Black. The former NZ Maori rep returned to the fray at nearly 40, to anchor a Thames Valley scrum that dominated Natal in 1994. The best player I ever opposed. Unlucky to miss the cut were Keith Wood (Ireland) and Tommy Lawton (Australia)
Carl Hoeft (Te Aroha COBRAS)
Not the flashiest, not an impact player or a big ball carrier, but a human scrum machine. A man who will always put the team first. Is respected by his peers for never having a bad word to say about anyone. Often lets himself down badly by trying to impersonate Elvis on the dance floor, but never fails to punish himself by pounding the pavement for a solid hour the morning after a night on the piss. Honourable mentions for Pascal Ondarts (France) and Topo Rodriguez (Argentina), both formidable looseheads.
15. Gavin Hastings (Scotland)
For the simple reason that my grandfather was a Jock and he would have demanded that I had one Big Sweaty in my run on side.
14. Tana Umaga (Petone)
For spending a good five minutes bouncing RB junior on his knee after my young fella nearly died from the shock of seeing Tana at an after match function. A genuine legend of All Black rugby.
13. Danny Gerber (South Africa)
Man of Steel. Did 4000 sit-ups a day, could out sprint a cheetah and tackled like an incestuous water buffalo.
12. Philippe Sella (France)
May have preferred outside centre but any back that can drop Peter Fitzsimons deserves a place in my team.
11. Brian Lima (Manu Samoa)
I like backs that can tackle and have to take my hat off to any bloke who could still play test rugby in their late 40s.
10. Hugo Porta (Argentina)
A fantastic player who had all the skills. Being a Puma Im sure he could also supply some seriously big T Bones for the BBQ.
George Gregan (Australia)
Simply the best and still going strong. A true champion on and off the field.
Buck Shelford (Navy)
Bring Back Buck. My backups would have been ‘The Bull of Dax’ Laurent Rodriguez (France) followed by Lozza Dallagio (England).
Ruben Kruger (South Africa)
The type of man who a pack of bulldogs would tiptoe past.
Arran Hopa (Waikato)
Covered in tats, the Taupri rubbish collector was also a staunch member of a local bikie gang. Not a man to be trifled with. To drown at sea was such a tragedy.
Keith Robinson (Te Aroha COBRAS)
Play footy with Robbo and he will automatically become your favourite lock also. Could supply all the wild pork, ACDC and JDs for any team function.
Martin Johnson (Tihoi)
King Country seems to be developing a habit of producing one world beating lock every 50 years. Married a Kiwi girl from the bush so you have to take your hat off to the bloke! Next in line would be a really nasty piece of work, Olivier Merle (France).
Jean-Pierre Gauret (France)
Short, barrel shaped, strong as an ox and as filthy as they come. The fitness or discipline of this Lourdes potato merchant wouldn’t endear him to the modern game, but in the 80s he was the best in the business. If Gauret was suspended from the game, I would draft in Olo Brown as his replacement. Jason Leonard also came under serious consideration for both his drinking and scrummaging skills.
Andrew Campbell (Coromandel & Thames Valley)
If it wasn’t for a broken neck and a lag in prison this guy would have been an All Black. The former NZ Maori rep returned to the fray at nearly 40, to anchor a Thames Valley scrum that dominated Natal in 1994. The best player I ever opposed. Unlucky to miss the cut were Keith Wood (Ireland) and Tommy Lawton (Australia)
Carl Hoeft (Te Aroha COBRAS)
Not the flashiest, not an impact player or a big ball carrier, but a human scrum machine. A man who will always put the team first. Is respected by his peers for never having a bad word to say about anyone. Often lets himself down badly by trying to impersonate Elvis on the dance floor, but never fails to punish himself by pounding the pavement for a solid hour the morning after a night on the piss. Honourable mentions for Pascal Ondarts (France) and Topo Rodriguez (Argentina), both formidable looseheads.
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